Author’s note: Hello, it’s been a while. Sorry, I’ve had a case of the “real life” for a while, but I managed to keep up with the chapters. I released 3 now, and another will come THIS Saturday. On a side note, upload days have now been changed to Saturdays. Without further ado, here’s the long awaited chapter!

 

“Enjoying the view from here? I made sure to get us a good angle”, said the boss man to Rei.

They were up on a pedestal that was a good two meters above the edge of the ASS hole. Rey was still bound, but her legs weren’t so she was able to walk around freely. She was being guarded by two burly looking bandits, who were both sneaking looks at her as well. Meanwhile, I was running for my life in circles.

Rei, how could you do this to me! I thought we were friends!

I run out of steam and immediately get kicked to the ground. The bandits shouted from above, criticizing my lack of fighting spirit.

“C’mon! Stop running you coward!”

“We wanna see blood!”

I ignore their complaints. I was too busy trying to keep myself from vomiting.

Shit, could this get any worse?

“OI FELLAS! YOU WANNA SEE BLOOD? THEN THROW YOUR WEAPONS INTO THE PIT! THIS OUGHTA SPEED THINGS UP A BIT!” shouted the boss man.

A wave of cheers came from the crowd as the bandits started chucking various weapons into the ASS hole. It rained swords, daggers, spears, etc. I hugged the wall of the hole so as not to get hit by the weapons.

Fuck you, dramatic irony…

My opponent picks up a spear and approaches me nonchalantly. Panicking, I quickly pick up the nearest weapon I could find: a bow and a quiver of arrows.

Sweet! You’re dead now!

I took an arrow from the quiver and placed it on the string of the bow

“Don’t mess with me! I’m a Hanzo main! RYU GA WAGA TEKI WO KURAU!” I shouted.

Yeah, I know I’m a hypocrite. Don’t judge me.

I tried pulling the string of the bow back, but it just won’t budge. As the distance between my opponent and me shortens, I panic and start pulling harder. Eventually, the string budges, but it hurt to hold on, so I prematurely let go. The arrow does a nosedive and I shoot myself in the foot.

“AHHHHHHH!” I screamed.

I hopped on my good foot and tripped and fell out of my opponents stabbing range. The arrow didn’t penetrate my skin, but it did wreck my shoe, and it hurt like hell.

“Alright that’s it. I’ve had enough. Fuck you with the stabby stabby, fuck you with the bad movie, fuck you with the dickhead, fuck you with the stupidity, and FUCK ALL OF YOU WHO JUST WATCH!” I exclaimed.

Something in me just snapped. I’ve dealt with too much today to put up with it, so now I’m just venting my anger on everyone around me as I rolled around in pain.

“I was supposed to have a good life! Everything was set for me to succeed. I HAD POTENTIALLY LIMITLESS POWER FOR GOD’S SAKE! But noooooooo, you guys had to ruin it for me, didn’t you? Do you feel happy?! Are you satisfied with how things turned out? ARE YOU?!”

Tears began streaming down my face juxtaposing my previous joking demeanour. The stress finally got to me, and now I was completely serious. No jokes, no memes. I let out my pure, unadulterated thoughts.

My incomprehensible rant did nothing to improve my situation. On the contrary, it just made the spectators more aggravated about the fact that I wasn’t dead yet.

“JUST DIE ALREADY!!!” shouted the spectating bandits.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME FINISH!!!!!!!!!!!!”

My emotionally induced shouting became so loud it silenced even the tens of angry voices being directed at me.

“What did I do wrong? Really, can someone answer me that? I just wanted to get back what was mine. I didn’t ask for theses multiple near death experiences. Why won’t you just let me live in peace?” I cried out.

I point to the blonde bandit in front of me.

“And you! You’re the worst offender! I didn’t even do anything to you back in the forest, and you just shot me for no fucking reason. Now you’re gonna try and kill me again?! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

My breathing became ragged as I pointed at the youth in front of me. My complaints weren’t valid in the slightest, but my thoughts were racing, and my mind unstable. In the end, all I could do was yell the first thing that came to mind.

The shock from my outburst seemed to have worn off, as the jeering from the crowd started back up, and my opponent continued to advance. I was worn out from the running and the shouting, so there was nothing I could do anymore. I decided to resign myself to my fate when…

“You’re both fools!”

A shout came from the edge of the ASS hole. The blonde bandit and I look towards the direction the voice came from, and saw Rei. She was the last person I thought would speak up in this situation.

“Vincento, don’t think for a second that this situation you got us in wasn’t your fault! Everything that has happened thus far was just a result of your incompetence, so pull yourself together and accept the consequences”, shouted Rei.

I was utterly surprised by Rei’s outburst. She always acted calm around me, so I didn’t think she was capable of such speech. Granted, I only knew her for half a day, but this juxtaposition is really jarring.

Bandits were trying to restrain her as she yelled out her complaints, and the boss man seemed appalled by her behaviour, but that didn’t stop her.

“And you! Don’t think everything he said was just a bunch of nonsense! From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you didn’t belong here, so why would you go along with the plans of these scum?”

The blonde bandit’s eyes widened, and were exposed for me to see for the first time. They were a brilliant shade of blue. Surprisingly, he had many feminine features.

“Look, I know you have your own circumstances, but take some time to think if they’re really worth all the trouble. Make your own decisions and decide if it’s what you truly want, because from what I see now, you’re not happy with how things have gone, isn’t that right?”

The blonde bandit stands and ponders silently. His face showed no emotion for a brief moment, then it lit up with determination.

“You’re right, I am a fool”, he said.

He dropped his weapon and started to back away from me with staggering steps.

Wow, I can’t believe that worked. What is she, an orange ninja?

The bandits surrounding the ASS hole managed to subdue Rei, but she managed to scream out one last line of encouragement.

“That’s it! Now you’ve got the right idea!”

“No! You’re ruining my show!” said the boss man.

It seems the boss man’s interest in Rei has completely plummeted during her outburst. As for the other bandits, they were getting restless. The boss man had completely lost control of them. They looked like they could jump in the ASS hole any moment now. I snapped out of my trance and realized that I was still in trouble. The situation seemed just as hopeless as before, so I didn’t have any plan other than making a last stand, despite not having the courage or willpower to do so.

“Hey, if you learned your lesson, mind giving me a hand?” I asked desperately.

The blonde bandit takes of his gloves, revealing a pair of surprisingly slender hands.

“*sigh, It’s time for me to correct my mistakes”, said the blonde bandit.

He gets into a shoulder width stance and inhales deeply.

“This is gonna get dangerous, I suggest you get as far away from here as possible”, he continued.

“Wait, whaddya mean? I’m stuck in a pit, I’m not going anywhere!” I responded

“Then just find somewhere safe, then duck and cover.”

“…”

I had no idea what he was trying to do, but I did as he said. I ran towards the center of the ASS hole and curled up into the fetal position next to the blonde bandit.

Well he did say find somewhere safe…

Soon enough, the situation delved into total chaos, and the waves of bandits started pouring in from the edge of the pit, picking up the weapons that they dropped into the hole. At that moment, I thought I was done for, when suddenly, the most unexpected thing happened.

The blonde bandit started to gigantify.

Dafuq?!

 

Editor: Doge-kun