Author’s note: Hi, this is Nomadicfarmerz. It’s an honor to post my novel here. I wanted this first chapter to be out as soon as possible, but regular upload days will be Fridays (not including this week) around 21:00 EDT. THIS IS A R-15 SERIES SO VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
My name is Vincento, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I’m a Marvel Otaku.
And for some reason, I’m dead now.
The last thing I remember was staring at the new Avengers movie poster in front of some large, moving metal box.
But now all I see is white.
And in front of me is some weird dude who claims to be god.
He looks obese, has purple skin, and testicles for a chin. He is wearing a wifebeater, cargo pants, and sandals. In his right hand is a beer bottle and in his left is a cigarette. Basically, the typical look for a deadbeat husband.
“I’m very sorry to say this, but you seemed to have been killed by a Nissan”.
“What?! Nii-san killed me?”
I’m in shock. This is all so sudden. Did this giant grape man just say I died?
And of all the ways I could have died, how could my brother kill me? He is surrounded by THOTs all day. That brother of mine wouldn’t even spare me the time of day to take my life.
“no, no, no, you were hit by a Nissan truck, your brother doesn’t even know you’re dead yet”.
That makes more sense. No way an amazing guy like Nii-san would kill me. He owns a Chevrolet.
The self-proclaimed god sighs and stares at me with a disappointed look, like the ones my parents give me when I told them I dropped out of school.
“I’ve overlooked all of humanity thus far, but never have I ever witnessed such a pitiful death. No seriously, I’ve seen a guy piss his pants before being scared to death, but at least he was trying to do something noble in his last moments. You’re truly something else man”.
“At least I’m not some Peter Griffin knockoff. Seriously, you look like if the fat kid from Willy Wonka ate the blueberry gum and regretted every decision you made in your life, so you decided to take it out on your wife”.
“God” sits there and looks bewildered for a split second before coming to his senses.
I don’t give a damn who the hell this guy is, I ain’t about to be roasted by this butt chin lookin’ ass. I get enough of that in my everyday life. Only Nii-san is allowed to roast me like that.
“You got some guts in ya, kid, tryna roast god like that. I like your spunk. You know what, erasing you from existence would be a waste of good backbone, and the multiverse could really use more of that. I’ll give you another chance. Prove to me you can be more useful than Aqua in this next life. I will reincarnate you into a fantasy world with swords and magic”.
His words hit me like a Nissan truck.
I sit and think about what just happened.
I just roasted god, and now I’m being offered a second chance at life.
I pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.
There wouldn’t be any internet in the other world. I’m gonna be sent to a living hell because of this asshole. In that case…
“Nah, life’s to hard man, I’ll stay dead”.
God ponders for a moment, then gives me a reply.
“Then how about this. I’ll give you a blessing of your choice. Anything you want. Doesn’t that sound nice?”
“That was fast”.
There was no need to think as there was only one thing I wanted.
“Gimme the Infinity Gauntlet”.
I spoke without hesitation.
The artifact of the gods. With it, the wielder attains omnipotence. It was probably my favourite item in all of fiction. I’ve always wanted a replica, but who knew I’d get the real thing one day?
With this, my wish to live an easy life without struggle can finally be fulfilled. Screw the internet, I’ll have infinite power. Imma be the Thanos of this world!
But as soon as I got my hopes up, the fatass god killed my excitement.
“Yeeeaah…no, that’s mine, but you can have the Finite Glove. It’s basically the same thing, only worse.”
Screw you, asshole! You gonna gimme a good life or not?
God then pulls out said glove from his ass.
“Here you go, I’ll be dropping you off in a secluded location so it wouldn’t be a strange sight for the people of that world.”
He snapped his fingers and I started to disintegrate.
“I’m sending you to a forest outside the city of Geto Cona. It is a city known for its devout religion, the religion of Georgianity. Anyways, later dumbass!”
“Wait, wait, no. We’re not done talking ye-“
I suddenly don’t feel so good, and in the next instant, I enter a new world with my Finite Glove.
Author’s note part 2: If you couldn’t tell already, this series will be full of memes.