What Side Didn’t Know Vol.3 – A1, C4: Context

It must have been a motherboard of some type when it was in use.  The ink on the CPU is all worn off, but oddly, the CPU and some of the surrounding circuit board are the parts that survived.  It must have been military, since everything is fused, and the thick layer of unknown, clear epoxy over the top makes it quite heavy.  Definitely not designed for heat dissipation.

The corrosion of the metal bits starts at the broken parts at the edges and continues some inch and a half inwards with a grainy green color before turning golden again.  Ah, probably not gold then. Brass? That’s some expensive circuit board. Clearly it was designed to last a long time.

Must be military.

Melsy said she had found it when she was a child, and could never part with it.  It was so unique, in this world of trees and ice, or so she thought. She brought it back from her previous den, er, mountain not long after settling down here.

It is unique.  It makes me think about what happened before the ‘here and now.’  Why is something like this here? Did it also get transported here, or was there a world of science here before this wild land?

Heh, what an idiot, thinking about such things when Melsy is likely crying her eyes out.

I’m such a moron.  Come on, Tristain, pull it together.

I just can’t psyche myself up right now.  So Melsy is a guy.  

Curse it all.  It doesn’t matter.  We’ve been happy together, for years, now!

I wish I could talk to the Goddess right now, though.  I feel like I need some answers.

Goddess!

“Hello.”

Waaaa!  I jump, dropping the circuit board.  Ahhhh!!! That is Melsy’s precious possession!

A white light catches the board and raises it back to my hands.  Again?! Ever since I’ve received these white runes, strange things have been happening.  I hear voices coming from nowhere or things moving randomly. Well, I’m pretty sure that I’m the one doing it somehow?  I can’t figure out what my runes are this time, either. Despite them activating with each strange occurrence, I can’t make out what the combination means most of the time.  These white runes also don’t look much like the blue ones from the enclave. Their functions, as tested from experiments, aren’t always straight forward, either.

I look around for the voice that I was sure I heard, but no one is there.  Nothing appears to be out of the ordinary. Gah! Get a hold of yourself! You’re sane!  I swear!

This circuit board looks a lot like I feel right now.  Out of place in this strange new world. I suppose that’s important.

I’ve been feeling so happy and comfortable lately.  My life has been very routine. Get up, feed the kids, cut some trees, have Mika and Otsu help me with building the hamlet.  Go hunting with Melsy. Go “Hunting” with Melsy. Feed the kids. Relax with Melsy, get some sleep next to Melsy. Well, some days differ.  It has, for better or worse, been almost eventless as of late. I really felt that was a good thing. Even now that I cherished that time.

It’s just that, though.  That is my reality now, now that Melsy is gone.  I don’t think I understood how much I enjoyed spending time with Melsy and the rest of my family.  It’s as they say: time flies when you’re having fun. And now that time is gone. By my own idiocy.

I should have… No.  If I keep thinking “I should have,” I won’t ever be able to move forward.  What I really need to do is own up to it. I didn’t appreciate our time together enough, but I don’t think I’ll appreciate it enough in the future without events like this to remind me of how good we have it.  We have unlimited food, protection from the rare dangers, loving families, a strong community (albeit, small). It makes the little things I’d complain to Melsy about seem pretty inconsequential when Melsy, literally ran off because I’m a selfish jerk who couldn’t just shrug and say “It doesn’t matter, I love you anyway.”

We, well no, I, at least, need to regularly do something to remind myself of these things in the future.  There were always holidays in my old world, but here, days are endless and unmarked. There are no calendars.  I get the suspicion that there are cycles of weather, and maybe seasons? However, that isn’t exactly apparent.

There is little to anchor yourself with, or provide context to the world around.  The kids are doing some of that lately, but much of that is just starting to become the normal daily grind as well.  Soon enough, they’ll be moody teenagers, and that will definitely shine a light on the good times. Nothing gives you perspective like your kids screaming: “I hate you, I wish you weren’t my parent!”

Until then, I definitely need to find a way to remind myself of how much I really love Melsy, even when things aren’t as I expected them to be.  Honestly, what does it matter what gender she is if we enjoy each other’s company? But dang, for a guy, she has some nice curves. Although, I just assumed she didn’t have a chest because reptiles and birds didn’t really have mammary glands.  I’m still ignorant of dragonfolk norms, and who knows if the males and females show much difference in that regard.

Regardless, I need to level with myself here.

It’s okay that Melsy and I were, er.  Rather, it’s okay that I was a bit surprised?  And it’s okay that she felt hurt, I guess. Rather, it will be alright as long as she forgives me.  I think we both want to have each other accept each other, regardless of the circumstances.  So understanding, for me, that she is a guy, is something I needed to put into context – it’s not really important, because I love her regardless.  And for her, she needs to understand that it’s okay to find me unhappy or surprised, or weirded out sometimes. I hope. I hope she sees it that way as well.

Right?  Right.

This totally isn’t going to come out right when I see her next.

I’m going to butcher it, and she’s going to laugh at me so much.

Ah, damn it.  I love her.

Okay, so, I should go find her now, right?  Er, it’s dark out now. I should do that in the morning.  I don’t even know where she is.

Ahhhhhhh, my brain is so messed up right now.  Just go to bed!

Author’s Note: Thanks for the support! Honestly, I hated this chapter, so I rewrote it. About 90% of it. DungeonPalmz thinks Tristain is going too hard on himself. I’m not convinced one way or the other. I’m open to thoughts on the subject.

Editor: DungeonPalmz