Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? 316

Pots calling kettles black.

Untranslatable pun alert: “報・連・相” is a term that has come up before, in chapter 282, and means “Reporting, communicating and consulting” and is a term from Japanese business practice. It is pronounced “hourensou” which is is also how “spinach” (ほうれん草) is pronounced.

316 – Those who seem to want to be my friends are looking this way

「Guh-hah!」

My beautiful roundhouse kick connects and vampire girl collapses on the spot clutching her side. To cause a precise amount of damage to vampire girl, yet not send her flying due to inertia at the same time, is just how exquisitely controlled my roundhouse kick is. How admirable, even if I do say so myself.

「H, how unreasonable.」

Vampire girl is saying something while collapsed on the ground, but it seems I can’t hear it? I tie her up with my threads, and then drag her off behind me. With normal people the scraping would seem likely to leave you covered in scratches, but hey, with your defensive strength it shouldn’t be a problem. Stay there kissing the ground as much as you want.

「Shiro-san! Wait a moment!」

As I was dragging off vampire girl, oni-kun grabs my shoulder and stops me.

「I know that Sophia-san made a gaffe, but you have some responsibility for this as well, Shiro-san. Aren’t you going too far?」

Da heck? While oni-kun is telling me this nonsensical stuff, I give him a long hard look. My ten pupils, which I normally keep closed, stare into oni-kun’s eyes. Oni-kun wavered for a moment from the pressure from my Evil Eyes, but he endured and started speaking again.

「Your explanations are too brief. Shiro-san, while we are taking action based on our understanding of your brief explanations, there are limits to that. There is not enough “hourensou” (reporting, communicating and consulting) between us. The cause of Sophia-san’s gaffe is Shiro-san’s insufficient explanations.」

“Hourensou” (spinach)? Mmm, sounds delicious. Er, not.

Ermm, so what’s the problem? Is oni-kun trying to tell me to explain things more? Telling ME to explain things more! Nai wa.

「Shiro-san?」
「Hey-y!?」

As I ignore oni-kun and start walking again, oni-kun seems bewildered and vampire girl raises a voice in protest while being dragged behind me.

「Shiro-san, are you listening to me?」
「Yeah, yeah! I think this treatment is rather unfair!」

I ignore the squawking of those two. Vampire girl is flopping around to try to escape from the binds, but I ignore that as well. Did you really think that would be enough for you to escape from my threads? Don’t you know? You can’t escape from god.

While dragging vampire girl along, we head towards the destination. Vampire girl continued making a racket, but it seems that oni-kun gave up along the way and followed in silence. While he is being quiet, since he’s following us, it seems that he doesn’t agree with this.

「This is……」

However, his silence was broken the moment the destination became visible. In contrast to oni-kun who opened his mouth, vampire girl closed her mouth the moment she saw it. Well, it’s overwhelming isn’t it. There’s a super huge UFO right in front of us after all. My destination was this UFO. This is the spaceship that Potimas tried to use to attempt to escape from this planet at the very end.

I ignore the dumbfounded pair and step into the UFO without pause. Of course, vampire girl is also dragged along behind me without pause. After being left behind, oni-kun rushes to catch up and resumes following us. Both oni-kun and the still tied up vampire-girl look over the UFO in curiosity. Because it’s so damn large, simply walking through it is tedious due to the distances, but even so I don’t think you’d get bored looking at it. At any rate, since this UFO was created under the assumption of going through a long journey in space, it is furnished with equipment appropriate for such a journey. Since those can be seen, it is probably interesting enough simply to observe such things.

Well, since vampire girl is still tied up, seeing her observing things while stretching out like a shrimp is awfully surreal though. I understand that she can’t see without taking such a posture, but I think a lady shouldn’t allow herself to be seen like that. Eh? Just who is it that tied her up? That is one thing, this is another.

The observation tour ends with the inclusion of the destination. At my destination was a place that could also be called the innermost part of the UFO and there was the Demon King facing some monitors, with Mera on guard duty with her as well. Having had an all-night vigil, Mera gives off a sense that he might even be standing up while unconscious.

「Oh? Welcome.」

The Demon King notices us and gives a greeting. While the conference between us and the reincarnators had been going on, it seems that she moved to this UFO. Well, that’s why I had come here as well.

「Has Sophia-chan done something again?」
「What do you mean “again”, Ariel-san? With the way you’re putting it, doesn’t that make it sound like I’m always doing something?」

Eh? What is this girl saying? Her lack of self-awareness is scary. See, even the Demon King is making a wry smile you know.

「Shiro-chan too – don’t bully Sophia-chan too much okay?」

This is not bullying, ma’am. This is what’s called educational guidance, ma’am.

「So, what happened?」
「Well, you see…」

For some reason the Demon King asks that while looking at oni-kun instead of me, and oni-kun responds to the Demon King’s question without raising any doubts about that aspect. Yep. That’s the correct way to deal with this. While it might be correct, the fact that it seems to be saying that I cannot be relied upon is annoying in its own way. I can do it if I try you know! It’s just that I don’t try, but I could do it if I did try! I think?

「Ahh. So that’s what happened.」

Having listened to oni-kun give a basic explanation of the circumstances, the Demon King looked at vampire girl with an “ack” expression.

「Well, it was partly Sophia-chan’s fault for making a slip of the tongue, but I guess Shiro-chan holds most of the responsibility for not explaining things properly.」

Objection! I cannot be at fault! I did nothing wrong!

「What’s the actual situation? Can they really not go back to Earth?」

Suddenly, the Demon King asks me that with a serious expression.

「Impossible.」

I simply replied with that.

「Yup. If Shiro-chan says it’s impossible then it probably is impossible. However, why is it impossible, what is the reason for that? It’s because she didn’t hear such details that Sophia-chan made a slip of the tongue. You know how critical information is, right? And so Shiro-chan, you’re the only one who knows everything about how valuable various bits of information are. You gotta consider Sophia-chan’s situation since she can barely determine the credibility of the information she is given.」

Being gently admonished like this by the Demon King, I can barely prevent myself from showing a sulky expression. Are you my mother or what? Ah, you’re my granny, sorry.

「Shiro-chan, since you’re always trying to complete anything and everything entirely by yourself, you’re careless when it comes to working with others you know. You think that talking with others is unnecessary. So you see no need to try to talk. Since if you felt like it you could do everything by yourself after all. So you’re basically a natural loner.」

That’s some awful stuff you’re saying but I can’t deny it.

「Well, I also think that it can’t really be helped either you know. I myself was just the same before I met with you, Shiro-chan. I guess it’s the fate of those with outstanding abilities」

Just by looking at the status values of the Demon King, without question she is the strongest person in the world after all. Even with her subordinates in the spider army, since they were increased simply by using the Spawning skill, they’re more like underlings who are avatars of herself anyway.

「That being said, Sophia-chan and Wrath-kun are your friends you know. So even if you’re bad at communicating, wouldn’t it be better to stop avoiding it and face them properly?」

Eh? Friends? Okay? Friends. Hmm. Ah, I see. Vampire girl and oni-kun are my friends huh. To have actually noticed that, that must make you a genius I guess, Demon King? Eh? I don’t really get this but somehow it’s all become confusing you know?

Translation notes:

“Those who seem to want to be my friends are looking this way” – this is quite a literal translation. Note that the word for “friends” here is “nakama”, which should be familiar to One Piece fans, which has a sense of “comrade in arms” – rather than simply being ordinary friends who play and hang out, it suggests more like a group of people who work or fight together.

“Hadn’t you heard? You can’t escape from god” – this is something of a meme, with variations. The original being this from Dragon Quest:

(Don’t you know? You can’t escape from the Great Demon King)

“educational guidance” – sometimes this term is used as an euphemism for physical punishments.