Ulg. He’s so sappy. He tackles me, then just lays there on top of me. Now he’s all mopey. What changed?
“I don’t know how to deal with people. I just want you to be happy, but I keep upsetting you.”
“You felt lost and like I was wasting your life, and then you got really mad and wanted to kill me. I’m terrible at this relationship thing. I always have been.”
SIGH. RANT INCOMING. “Young one. Everyone is. No one is good at it. There isn’t a way to be perfect. It comes with time and experience. And for me… I may complain, and whine, and carry on. But! Listen.”
I take a deep breath and look at him in the eyes. “If you get old, like me, you realize that every emotion is simply a reflection of yourself. I don’t need to be mad. I don’t need to be unhappy. I don’t need to be anything. I can just die, and that would simply be a state of who I am. Granted, I’d prefer to not die…”
I pause for a moment before waving my hands at him. “But that’s not the point. The point is this: I choose to feel this way. It has very little to do with you, and very much more to do with how I have chosen to react to you. Why? Because it entertains me. Because, I need some excitement. You can’t live your life in perfect happiness. You won’t be able to comprehend it anymore. If happiness is the status quo, then how do you know you feel good until you lose that? Life is full of ups and downs. They teach us what to be thankful for, and what to avoid. Sometimes we do things we’d rather avoid, just to be reminded of how bad bad really can be. I’m no exception.”
I take another breath, and think for a short moment. “Wait, that sounded like I chose to be here to experience something awful. That’s not true. That dryad is scary and is forcing me.”
Tristain is giving me some sort of complicated look. “Er, that’s not the point though. Also, I don’t dislike being here. It is very much a moderate up. Sure, there are downs, but I choose what is a down for me. More than being angry at you or Lillia for dragging me back here, I’m happy to be with people… Despite losing my body that I spent thousands of years growing… I’m happy to be around folk as exciting as you guys. I think…”
I smile, looking at him. These people really are fun. “I think, if you really want to know, more than anything, I’ve disappointed myself. Here I am with these wonderful people, and someone like you who welcomes me and wants to love on me… And I hole myself up in this room instead of being with you guys. It disappoints me that I’ve failed to allow myself to be happy. And it disappoints me that I know, better than anyone, that I’m responsible for my own happiness right now. And…”
He’s frowning back at me. Don’t frown! “And… I don’t know why I’m hesitating. I could be out there with you, cuddling your children, and talking to… your… ex-wife? Goddess know your social life is overly complicated. Really a Dryad, and a bearfolk? In the same night?” NO ONE BUT THIS HUME EVER.
“A-Anyway, my point is, there isn’t a thing you can do for me. I am fully responsible for myself. And if you push me, all you will be doing, is pushing me away. I’m sorry for bringing you down. I’ll fix my attitude, but please don’t fret overly about me, or you’ll just make it harder for me to come to my senses. Giving me yourself to use as a crutch will just lead us both to regret it all later. Promise. Let me get over this low myself. Just keep doing what you want. Ask me what you want to ask of me. I’ll start responding soon. I just need a bit more time to sort myself.”
Uh, he’s just sitting there.
“Don’t. Worry. About. Me.”
He’s scratching his cheek.
“Good. Now, I’m going to get some fresh air, do you want to come?” I need to crush this succinctly. If he brings it up again, I’m going to use violence. Although, it seems like he likes that sometimes…
“Sure!” He hops up, following me out the door and up the steps to outside the Gaia Tree.
The air is nice out here. The leaves of the Gaia Tree are glowing a light blue color high above us. It’s the light from over the horizon hitting the upper leaves and filtering down. The Gaia Trees are so tall, that they almost reach the top of the sky.
“Top of the sky?” Right, he can hear my thoughts. Maybe I should work on quieting them? Hm…
“Yeah. It’s cold up there. The ceiling of the world is a layer of ice. Light filters down through it to us. If you go east or west, it wraps all the way around until you get back to where you started”
“What about north and south?”
“Have you tried going north or south?”
“We’ll do that someday, just so you can see. I won’t think about it, because I don’t want to spoil the surprise.”
“I think this is our last night.”
Author’s Note: Thanks for the support! I am in your care!
DUN DUN DUN. lol.