Author’s Note: so I did some reading and it turns out that the mention of character names and brands is fine under US copyright law, so you won’t be getting anymore of th*s sh*t. Anyways, enjoy the chapter!
“WHAT THE FUCK!!! SCREW YOU GOD!”
I curse at the sky in hopes that god is listening, but to no avail.
Seriously, what’s that god’s deal? Telling me I get to be overpowered then giving me this piece of junk?
I sigh while looking at the glove.
It looks like a rubber dishwashing glove…
God put me smack dab in the middle of a forest with no way of getting to civilization. It’s been just over an hour and already I feel like my life is royally screwed. All I had on me was the glove, a few coins, and a fidget spin- oh god why.
During that time, I decided to make the most out of my time by testing out the Finite Glove I was given. God wasn’t kidding. This really is an inferior version of the Infinity Gauntlet.
Like the Infinity Gauntlet, the Finite Glove has six stones, each one controlling an aspect of the universe. However, the amount I’m able to control is abysmal.
The Stone of Energy only lets me boost my physical abilities by about 10%, which lets me go from lifting a rock, to a slightly larger rock.
The Stone of Matter barely lets me control around 10 kg within about a 1 meter radius of myself. Great, now I can finally jack off without using my hands.
The Stone of Spirits lets me know if something is alive if I touch it. That makes me about as useful as someone with an hour of CPR training.
The Stone of Ages lets me pause, rewind, or fast forward time about 1 second every 5 minutes or so. This one actually sounds useful in certain scenarios. Too bad I can’t think fast enough to make use of that extra time.
The Stone of Consciousness lets me determine the emotion someone is currently feeling if I touch them. But I couldn’t care less about what other people think, so it’s basically useless.
Finally, the Stone of Existence, which I thought would be the most overpowered of the stones, does jack fucking shit.
Overall, this glove is pretty useless.
After that. I started wandering aimlessly because I got nothing better to do.
The forest was like a maze. It was as T H I C C as my Nii-san’s last girlfriend.
*sigh, at this rate I’m just gonna die again.
My stomach grumbles as I give up on life.
What would Nii-san tell me if he saw me like this?
“Listen asshole! Suck it up or I’m gonna kill you!”
Yeah that sounds about right.
“Please spare me! I don’t want to die!”
Wait that doesn’t sound right.
My imagination is cut short as I realize what I was thinking wasn’t just in my head.
I run up a hill and peek over it to see a group of 5 people with a carriage being attacked by another group of 5 that look like everyday thugs.
Oh, so it was them.
The defending group was a mess. They were completely in a panic and had no idea what to do. A short man wearing a bandana was cowering in fear, while the other three were already dead. The only one among the group who had any semblance of competence was the woman holding a one handed sword and wearing a light leather tunic, black pants, some leather gloves, and knee high boots. She was a beauty with long, braided silver hair, dazzling eyes and an expression filled with determination, and a little irritation.
Mama mia, that’s one helluva lady! If only she had better fashion sense…
I never really had any girlfriends in my previous life. Not because I was unattractive by any means (or at least I hope), but because I would always get cucked by Nii-san.
But now that Nii-san is gone, hopefully my charm(?) will land me a girlfriend.
As I was fawning over over the delectable lady in front of me, the severity of their situation hit me like a Nissan truck.
The bandits all look like hardened criminals. One had a tattoo of some words I couldn’t read from this distance over his left eye. One had prominent scars on their face, and one guy was bald. One guy was wearing a hood so I couldn’t see his face. The last guy seemed normal until you looked at his face, which looked as if he was a lifetime meth addict.
I wonder if Walter White was also reincarnated in this world?
They were well coordinated and didn’t seem troubled at all in their current situation.
Oh so it’s this kinda development, huh?
I recall the countless number of clichés from the light novels of my previous world, and recognized the situation I was in.
Normally the protagonist would show up and save the heroine with his overpowered ability, but I can’t do something like that.
Sorry, but I don’t feel like dying when I’m killed, not even for someone as hot as her.
I turn tail and leave, but at that moment, but I lost my balance after I slipped on a muddy area and I fell down the hill.
This is my life now, are you happy god?
The bandits turn their heads to where I fell and looked at me with a confused stare.
While panicking, I have a brief moment of genius. I decided to use the Stone of Ages to turn back time 1 second…only to fall down the hill again.
It was at this moment Vincento knew…he fucked up.
“HEY, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!”
“Does it matter? It just means we get one more slave.”
Did he just say slave? I can hear you, you know?
The bandits talk amongst themselves, acting satisfied with the sudden interruption.
“Hey you! Get out of here, it’s dangerous!”
The silver haired woman called out to me, but there’s really nowhere for me to run.
Welp, this sucks.
Author’s Note Part 2: so this chapter isn’t as joke dense as the first one. The plot has to go somewhere, so these kinds of chapters will probably be more frequent. However, I promise you that there will be satisfying joke deliveries. It just needs a few chapters to build up.