Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? Tipsy

The sad drunk, the happy drunk… and the idiot who started it all.


Author’s note: Demon King’s point of view.

「Uwah. SniffleHic!」

Felmina-chan who has broken down crying and sniffling while slumped on the ground, and Shiro-chan who is staring into space while laughing eerily. It’s chaos. Just how was it again that things turned out like this?


The beginning of this, ah yes, this all began when I went to Dustin’s place to snatch some top grade wine. I called out to Shiro-chan saying “Let’s have a pajama party!”, and dragged in Felmina-chan while at it to begin a modest little drinking party. Umm, yeah. I want to ask myself why I wanted to let Shiro-chan drink or why I have a death wish. It’s all Dustin’s fault for secretly hoarding some good wine. It’s also the case that I wanted to watch over Felmina-chan to make sure that she doesn’t do anything stupid though.

Since this girl is smart, based on the contents of the proposal that Shiro-chan made to Divine Word Religion, she would have realised just how much it disadvantages the demons. Also, based on the arguing back and forth until now and due to the nature of the System and so on, she should also have realised that Shiro-chan isn’t an ally of the demons. Felmina-chan should have realised that Shiro-chan is with the demon faction in order to make use of the demons, and would readily abandon the demons if they ever lost their utility value.

That would be half-right, and half-wrong. While Shiro-chan is certainly making use of the demons, she isn’t intending to abandon them for the time being. If she really was intending to abandon them, then there’s no way that she would have left alive that traitorous 2nd Army commander after all.

However, Felmina-chan wouldn’t be aware to that extent. Which is why she might judge Shiro-chan to be harmful to the demons and become hostile to her. Even though she has no chance of winning.

I had previously investigated Felmina-chan’s personal history. While Shiro-chan probably felt like she was picking up an abandoned dog, this girl was actually born to a good place and with good abilities. She was born to a prestigious noble family. She is the ex-fiancee to Waldo-kun, who is the eldest son from a similarly prestigious noble family, even if he’s currently been emasculated by Sophia-chan. Since her childhood she’s been thoroughly trained to support the demons who are in a state of decline, and she herself lives by that creed, a natural-born aristocrat. If it’s for the future sake of the demons, then she won’t hesitate to eliminate anyone who could harm them, and possesses the cool-headedness to achieve it. That’s exactly the reason why she regarded Sophia-chan as dangerous when she was spreading Charm around at the academy, and took actions to forcibly eliminate her. Well, it’s sad to say, but due to the overwhelming difference in ability it seemed she wasn’t even noticed.

Considering that’s how Felmina-chan is, I was worried about what she would do when she heard about the proposal for this conference. That proposal has no benefits for the demons. Taken from the perspective of rebuilding the demons after the System collapses, she wouldn’t want the lost technology from the elf village to be handed over to the humans for a start, and from a self-defence point of view it would also be virtually impossible for her to accept simply returning the forts that were only gained after great loss. Felmina-chan would want to stop that no matter what, I’m sure.

So, considering the case with Sophia-chan, I wondered if she might lose her temper and attack Shiro-chan. Since the old lineages amongst the demons put their trust in strength, despite being smart they can be rather simplistic muscle-brains at times you know. For now I figured I’d take a wait-and-see approach and try have her drink some wine while at it, but I hadn’t expected her to be a crying drunk at all though.

「Uwahh. What can I do-o-o? Just what can I do-o-o? Just what did I do to deserve this-s-s?」

She ended up in this condition merely after draining the first cup. While she hangs her head, I can almost see a heavy black shadow looming behind her.

Yup. This is the pattern where after having to do all sorts of things serving under Shiro-chan, she’s learnt all too much about the dark art of diplomacy. In addition, it seems she’s gotten stuck in a blind alley because she also knows just how strong Shiro-chan is, so even if she wants to do something there’s nothing she can do. Under the influence of being drunk, she’s muttering her problems in front of the person herself. You sure have it rough huh.

Then, the main culprit behind all that, has for a while been taking out from another dimension something that couldn’t be televised to families without using a censorship mosaic, tossing them into her mouth, then munching them. Wow, just what is that I wonder. Currently there is huge alarm ringing in my head, saying that it’s dangerous to touch Shiro-chan right now. I am rather curious as to what she is actually eating, but if worry about it then I’ve lost. If I’ve lost then in the worst case my life might as well be over.

We’re supposed to be drinking some nice top grade wine here, but I can’t enjoy the taste at all! There’s Felmina-chan who might actually sink into the ground if left alone, and then there’s Shiro-chan who in her current state has transformed into the greatest living threat to this planet. It sure is strange. I had imagined a “pajama party” being more about having fun squeals and giggles though. How did it turn out like this? Also, will I live to see the sun rise tomorrow…?

pope「My wine……」


Translation notes:

“Tipsy” – the title could also be translated as “under the influence” or “intoxicated” or even “the smell of alcohol”. It doesn’t specifically mean “drunk”.

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