Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? SS – Valentine

Roses are red, violets are blue, chocolate is brown, and disturbing too.

SS – Valentine

Author’s note: It’s late, but here’s a Valentine’s Day short story. It’s an anecdote that’s unrelated to the main story.

『Happy Valentine’s Day. This is friendship chocolate. I put all my effort into creating it so please eat it. From D.』

On waking up early, I found a box with cute wrapping placed beside me. Since I sleep in a simple Home to ensure my personal safety, how could something be placed beside me without me noticing? Since I have confidence in my Home it wounded my pride, but I consent to it when I read the name of the sender written on the card that was placed together with the box. If it’s that jerk then it can’t be helped.

Even so, chocolate huh? I guess even that great Evil God can do something good once in awhile eh. I love sweet things you know? On top of that, chocolate doesn’t exist here so I’m mega happy about this. Let’s eat it at once then.

「Mah ahh ahh ahh ahhh!!」

……What, was that? Was I seeing a hallucination, or on opening the box did I really see some mysterious brown gloopy creature that was crying in a strange voice? That was chocolate? Was chocolate actually something that would cause you to doubt your own sanity just from looking at it…? I’ll open the box again and confirm. Yeah. It’s possible that my eyes had temporarily gone strange I guess.

「Mah ahh ahh ahh ahhh!!」

What am I supposed to do with this. Eat it?


「So why have you brought this to me then?」
「Mah ahh ahh ahh ahhh!!」
「Eat it.」
「……I refuse.」
「Mah ahh ahh ahh ahhh!!」

I’ve come to Kuro’s place. Tossing something a god made to another god is the correct way to handle the problem. Thus I’ve come to try to force it on to Kuro, but it’s proving difficult to get him to accept it. Watch this, won’t he seem likely to want to accept it if I push it hard enough? If you look closely, doesn’t it have a certain charm to it? So there, accept it! You’ll be able to get chocolate from a girl on Valentine’s Day! You’ll definitely be treated with envious gazes from all the boys. If you don’t accept it then wouldn’t that be an insult to Valentine’s Day!?

There is a seesaw battle between me who is trying to force it on him and Kuro who obstinately refused to accept it. After that continued for twenty minutes, Kuro reaches for the creature as if resigned. Oh? Finally he has given up and feels like accepting it huh! I see, I see. Please take care of it forevermore.

He firmly grasps the creature with his right hand, and firmly grasps my chin with his left hand. Hm? Then he uses that hand to forcibly open my mouth, and forcibly tosses the creature inside.

「Mah ahh ahh ahh ahhh…」

The creature screams while disappearing deep into my mouth. Oh no, I ate it on reflex! What the heck is this!? It tastes like normal chocolate, dammit!

「D is a troublemaker as well.」



「Mah ahh ahh ahH!? Ahhh…」
「Just what is this thing?」
「Can you not tell by looking?」
「I am asking because I cannot.」

After stabbing the object making a strange voice with a spoon, the Japanese style beauty in maid clothes asks D, who has brought it to her mouth.

「It’s chocolate.」
「Chocolate does not emit strange voices.」
「That is merely prejudice. Will you eat it? It’s delicious, okay?」
「Even if it is delicious I do not want to eat something so strange.」
「It’s so delicious though.」
「More importantly, why did you neglect your work to make such a thing? Surely you can give me an acceptable reason?」
「I thought that I must do it because it’s Valentine’s Day. I will neither repent nor regret it.」

As for what happened to D after that, nobody knows.


Translation notes:

“Friendship chocolate” – in modern Japan, it’s traditional for girls to give other people chocolate on Valentine’s Day. This can be “giri-choco” (obligation chocolate, given to family and people who’ve helped you), “tomo-choco” (friendship chocolate, given to friends) and “honmei-choco” (true feeling chocolate, often homemade, given to your true love). It’s perfectly normal for girls to give other girls “friendship chocolate”.

“Placed beside me” – this could also be translated as “placed beside my pillow” or “placed beside by bed” but since Shiro seems to be sleeping in a “Home” (ie cocoon of threads) it’s not clear what else is there.

“Cause you to doubt your own sanity” – more literally “cause you to perform a Sanity Check”, referring to the Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth game, where seeing disturbing scenes can cause you to lose your sanity.

Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? 288
Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? 289