Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? 321

Plan? What plan?

321 – A scene of carnage

Yikes… Back out, back out. So this is what they call “a scene of carnage” huh.

What is unfolding in front of my eyes is a women’s battle. Imouto-chan and Ooshima-kun are carrying out a full-on battle over a single man. The look in their eyes is freaky. That look is… the intent to kill! You’ve done it, Yamada-kun! You sure are popular! This is what’s meant by “to be flanked by two beautiful women”! In addition, they both look like poisonous flowers.

On one hand is the crazy psycho yandere bro-con imouto. On the other hand is the cool and calculating gender-swapped girl who knows everything about being a man. Whoever you choose it seems problematic. Whoever you choose seems likely to dominate you too. Do your best Yamada-kun! I’ll cheer for you! I won’t do anything tangible though!

Or rather, before all that, what should I do about this feud?


Do your best Yamada-kun! I’ll cheer for you! I won’t do anything tangible though!

Hey, it’s not my fault you know? The cause of all this is imouto-chan anyway. I think it’s appropriate for her elder brother Yamada-kun to resolve this! So, I shall leave everything to him.

While I had been talking about the truth behind the bombing incident caused by the Hero from two generations ago and the previous generation Demon King, I was being pestered by this chronic complainer. The chronic complainer called imouto-chan. In short, “I demand to meet onii-sama.”

I’ve always had one of my clones with imouto-chan, but then she started talking endlessly to it like she was invoking some kind of curse. I figured that since she had cooperated so far that I might as well grant her that wish. With a ghastly appearance on the edge of insanity, she had grabbed my clone and continuously spoke to it okay? So scary! Even if this is just via one of my clones, it felt like a never-ending horrific whisper. I might have nerves of steel, but there is still a limit to things!

Basically, that’s why I decided to grant that broken imouto-chan’s wish. Well, just letting them meet is fine I guess. There’d been a time when I had actually thought that. Indeed. It’s true that imouto-chan was currently acting a bit unusually. So let me make the excuse that I never would have expected her to try killing him the moment she met him. After all, normally it’d be unthinkable for the onii-sama supremacist imouto-chan to actually try to kill her onii-sama, right? At least it was incomprehensible for me with my sensitivity of a rather normal person. Eh? What do you mean “You’re not normal”? That’s not the case at all. Or rather, if you’re going to object to something surely it should be “You’re not a person”?

While escaping from reality like that, I watch over the battle becoming more heated up. Imouto-chan’s ice magic and Ooshima-kun’s fire magic are clashing and cancelling each other out.

「Both of you! Stop this!」

When there’s a pause Yamada-kun tries to intercede, but even that seems to fan the flames of war. Ack. Was it a mistake to bring Ooshima-kun I guess? Well, you know, I had thought that Ooshima-kun might be able to stop the rampaging imouto-chan, okay. When I saw imouto-chan rush in to attack Yamada-kun, I decided to also hurriedly bring over Ooshima-kun. I never expected that would actually make things more chaotic. Why is this happening? It’s weird, right?

……Is it okay for me to leave already? You know, “I’ll leave the rest to you youngsters” and all. No good?

I wonder why it’s come to this. When I thought I could clear up the problem with the troublesome imouto-chan, it mysteriously became an even more troublesome situation. Dammit. Yamada-kun, since you’re her elder brother, I wish you had kept a firm rein on such a dangerous imouto-chan! Just who’s the person who first brought in this powderkeg imouto-chan and created the current situation? Eh? Me? No, no. That is what’s called a false accusation. You see, that’s something Natsume-kun did and has nothing to do with me. Eh? I was the one controlling Natsume-kun you say? LALALA! I can’t hear you! I… can’t… hear… you…!

Fine then……. From a practical point of view, imouto-chan becoming so fired up was caused by me. Well, once she shot her own father through the head, she likely thought that there was no going back for herself now. Her onii-sama didn’t have romantic feelings for her in the first place. Since she commited that act right in front of her onii-sama, her hopes would have become incredibly slim. Hmm. While already on the path to betraying the Kingdom she was plagued with feelings of guilt, so I had Natsume-kun brainwash her, creating an established fact where she was brainwashed so that it couldn’t be helped what she did though. It seems like it was pretty meaningless to try that excuse huh. I guess she felt completely trapped and overenthusiastically took action huh.

……This is why it’s hard for me to make use of others. In my case, I only take efficiency into account and whether they live or die. For my plans, I don’t take into consideration what others might feel or think about it. I can’t take such things into account. I don’t understand such things anyway. So I just ignore them. Even if something inconvenient occurs because of that, so long as it doesn’t become an obstacle to my plans then I don’t care. At least, that’s what I had thought.

The time when sensei collapsed with a pallid expression. The Demon King’s expression at the time when she found out that Sariel’s interference was behind the bombing incident caused by the Hero from two generations ago and the previous generation Demon King. I can’t help recalling their expressions in the back of my mind. There’s no way that I had taken action because I had wanted to cause such expressions.

Sigh. Even if I’m told about friends and such at such a late stage, just what do you expect someone like me to actually do? I don’t know. I don’t get such things. Besides, the project is reaching the finale. It’s far too late to rely on such things as “the power of friends” anyway.

For now, I guess I’ll do something about this mess. Yamada-kun’s been getting the short end of the stick anyway. I’ll stick my nose in, though I doubt whether I’ll be able to sort things out peacefully though, but it’s surely better than doing nothing.

「Listen to me!」

However, before I do anything, the situation changes. A moment before imouto-chan’s and Ooshima-kun’s blades meet, Yamada-kun physically inserts himself between them, stopping them both. By catching their blades in his body.


Imouto-chan and Ooshima-kun gasp. Imouto-chan’s sword has pierced Yamada-kun’s stomach and Ooshima-kun’s sword has cut into the shoulder and is buried up to the collarbone. On top of that, Yamada-kun grasps both of them in his arms, stopping them from moving.

「Please. I beg you. Listen… to me. I don’t want… to lose anyone else. So… so…」

I stop myself before I could move. Listening to Yamada-kun’s heartbroken voice. I have no right to approach him because I have stolen many things from him.


Translation notes:

“A scene of carnage” – the word used for this (修羅場) can sometimes be used a bit like “catfight” (ie women fighting over a man) and also “crunch time” (typically for an author trying to meet a deadline).

“flanked by two beautiful women” – this is from the phrase 両手に花 which literally means “a flower in each hand” but is often used to mean “flanked by two beautiful women” (or, having a pretty girl on each arm) though can also mean “two blessings at once”.

“with my sensitivity of a rather normal person” – essentially the joke here is that Shiro is neither “normal” nor a “person” (human) and she’s saying that calling her out on being “not a person” makes more sense than calling her out on being “not normal”.

“Why is this happening? It’s weird, right?” – think of Shiro saying this in a spaced-out tone.

“I’ll leave the rest to you youngsters” – the cliche place to use this phrase would be at an omiai (arranged meeting with strong possibility of marriage), when the adults leave to give the possible couple some space.

Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? S33
Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? 322