Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? 281

Is it panto season? “She’s behind you!”

281 – Shall I tear them off?

Once the conference was over, the completely exhausted army commanders sluggishly left the room. The only one in high spirits was the Demon King. Since even oni-kun has the look of fatigue on his face, it must be substantial huh. I mean, is Balto going to be okay, like that? His face has the shadow of death on it though.

During the conference, though each army will be hastily unified it was decided that the armies already with sufficient numbers would be consolidated. During this meeting Kuro and boobian didn’t participate, but since their armies didn’t receive any damage in the first place they weren’t called because there was no need to reorganise their armies. Or rather, since the boobian has made camp near the fort under the pretext of monitoring the monkeys that she herself instigated, they’re not going anywhere soon anyway. Maybe she would have refused to budge unless she was compelled to come to the conference.

The details of the reorganisation are: the survivors of the 6th Army that was lead by the shota will be merged into the 5th Army. The 7th Army that was lead by the hoodlum will be merged into the 3rd Army. Mera’s 4th Army and oni-kun’s 8th Army will be left as is. That sort of thing.

Mera’s army and oni-kun’s army will also be taken along when the time comes to capture the elf village. While it could be arranged for them to move together, rather than hastily reorganising them, it seems that it was determined that it would be better to let them each do their own thing. Since the plan is for the 5th Army that the mock-samurai leads will remain to defend the demon territories, their numbers will be replenished. Likewise, since the 3rd Army that the idiot giant leads will also be defending, it was readily decided to augment their numbers. Though there will certainly be some minor adjustments, that’s the general idea.

So in short, the armies that will participate in the raid on the elf village won’t reorganise. The defence side will be reorganised and their forces replenished.

Normally you’d do it the other way around I’d think, but to be blunt the soldiers are merely there to make up the numbers, and so long as their bosses are there it doesn’t matter either way. The only ones truly considered to be a meaningful force, are Mera and oni-kun alone. The rest are basically disposable pawns who wouldn’t be missed if they died. The gulf in status sure is cruel eh.

Now then, I’m sure that the other armies are about to get busy with drawing up lists etc for the changes in personnel, but my 10th Army can carry on without any changes, so I’ll have some free time. Felmina-chan has already recovered, so it’s fine to leave the administration to her. Which is why I’m going to go out for a bit.

I rouse vampire girl, who’s been living in idleness, from her bed and forcibly haul her along.

「Ah. It’s this again huh. I’m being abducted without any explanation again huh.」

It somehow seemed like vampire girl was being strangely philosophical, but ignore it, ignore it. I teleport while still holding onto vampire girl. At the point where I teleport to, there’s a monkey right in front of us.


Vampire girl is likewise directly facing the monkey.

「Exterminate every last one of them okay.」

I teleport right away, leaving vampire girl behind. It somehow feels like I heard a shout of “Hey-y!?”, but I’m sure it’s just my imagination.

The monkeys occupying the fort were starting to become a nuisance, so I decided to have them cleaned up. No big deal, whether there’s 10,000 or 100,000 monkeys, vampire girl will win easy-peasy. Anyhow, once she’s killed one the rest will come at her of their own accord anyway, so there’s no way they’ll get away. She won’t be able to escape either though.

I had intended to deal with the monkeys in due course, but the reason why I chose to do it with this particular timing is because the boobian of the 2nd Army has been seen making suspicious moves. Or rather, she’s totally been in contact with those fucking elves. Who’d have thought that immediately after their positions all around the world had been crushed that they would attempt to get in contact with the leaders of the demon armies. Furthermore, that boobian willingly jumped on board as well. It seems that all the nutrients have gone to her breasts after all, leaving her head empty. Given the same proposition, the idiot giant reserved judgement so it seems that he still has something inside his head. I’m sorry I called you an idiot. Although, he’s still an idiot for not rejecting it immediately.

The ones the elves attempted contact with were the boobian of the 2nd Army and the idiot giant of the 3rd Army. “At this rate you will ground down by the Demon King, you know? Why don’t you cooperate with the elves and make a surprise attack on the Demon King, hmm?” Given that proposition, the boobian unhesitatingly assented. What a fool. The idiot giant chose to reserve judgement after much hesitation. However, based on his manner he was certainly considerably tempted. Most likely, once he’s induced by the boobian he’ll join for certain. What an idiot.

「What’s the situation?」
「Reporting. The anogratch inside the fort have suddenly started making an uproar. Currently there is no indication that they will leave the fort though. We do not know what is occurring.」

The boobian receives a report from a soldier who was standing guard on the fort. I’m soundlessly standing next to her.

「There is nothing to fear.」

Maybe it’s because I suddenly called out to them, as the boobian and the soldier who came to report both raise their voices in surprise. I’d rather you not make that reaction like you’d seen a ghost.

「The forces of the 10th Army are working to liberate the fortress.」
「Say what?」

The boobian asks me to repeat myself in a tone of disbelief. However, I have no intention of repeating the same explanation.

「Until the work is complete I suggest that you wait here.」

Saying so, I retreive a chair from another dimension and make myself at home. In addition I take out a table, and place some snacks and drinks on top. From the fort in the distance, the sounds of a violent battle reverberate. Do your best vampire girl. While I observe you doing your best I’ll treat myself to an elegant tea break. Ah, that reminds me.

「As soon as the extermination is complete, the 2nd Army will occupy the fort. It’s going to get busy here I’m sure.」

I whisper that to the boobian, who is still in a daze. Once the army occupies the fort, they won’t be able to abandon that duty. It’s possible that the humans will come to regain it, meaning that their forces must be kept there. Which means, that they can’t do something like cooperate with the elves and march to the demon territory. They won’t have any spare time to do so.

Now then. The current situation is that the trusted retainer of the Demon King is defenselessly exposing herself right now, but will the boobian make a move on her I wonder? I wouldn’t expect her to be that much of a fool, but I’ve laid out this trap just in case. If she goes for it then the head of the 2nd Army will be significantly altered. I’ll tear off those boobs before her head though.

Chest girth rankings:

1st place: Mother (Queen Taratekt)
That chest girth, is a prodigious threat. It’s not something that any human can beat! Flee, run away!

2nd place: Clevea (Shun’s maid)
Not so much her breasts, as muscle.

3rd place: Sanatoria
She’s not called boobian for nothing. They might get torn off though.

Reverse rankings:

3rd place: Sue

2nd place: Demon King
As a loli-babaa, there was no other alternative.

1st place: Sensei
“It’s only because my growth rate is slow! I have hopes for the future!”
Yet, the elves have the standard pattern of having small breasts.


Translation notes:

“the armies that will participate in the raid on the elf village” – the word used here for “raid” is gamer slang. Potimas is a “raid boss” now?

“That chest girth, is a prodigious threat” – untranslatable pun, as the words used for “chest girth”, “prodigious” and “threat” all have the same pronunciation.

For the “chest girth” rankings, some of the comments below the entries are more like reactions from the person being referred to, so for clarity I’ve put these lines in quotes. Clevea first appeared in S3, and “loli-babaa” roughly means “lolita old hag” (ie looks like a little girl but is actually really old).

Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? Blood 34
Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? 282