Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? 259

Today’s theme is mafioso style responsibility dodging…

259 – Maou-sama is scary

I decided I should inform the Demon King about this and that on the Divine Word Religion. Normally I should have reported this before getting in contact with them, but basically I forgot. Well, I guess it was inevitable. I’ve been doing whatever I want until now anyway.

However, the other party this time is the most influential person amongst the humans, so unlike previous occasions I can’t just sweep it under the carpet if I screw up you know. If there’s a blunder with the negotiations even I wouldn’t be able to patch things up by myself. Well, it’s not like I couldn’t do anything, but it’s more like all I can do is “kill all the nuisances!” kinda thing. If I did that then it would cause big problems amongst the humans. And if it comes down to that then Kuro would blow his top. I don’t want him to come charging at me.

So for those reasons, in case of a blunder I’ll leave it all to the Demon King to patch things up. It’s fine, it’s fine. The worst that can happen is the humans become a bit more hostile. Do your best, do your best! You can do it!

Yup. Whether I succeed or fail I won’t suffer any losses. What a wonderful life. Maybe the Demon King will get some ulcers though.

Which is why I’ve come to the Demon King’s place, but my timing was bad. Just a bit before I got there, it seems the Demon King had some visitors come to her room. When I entered the Demon King’s room without knocking, there was the Demon King reclining in her chair with her feet on the desk, with two people standing to attention in front of her. Balto isn’t around. Mostly likely he’s rushing around after the Demon King forced the work onto him again.

「Ah, Shiro-chan. Good timing. Come in.」

At the Demon King’s urging, I enter the room. Damn, if there’s others here then I should have come at another time. I was just about to leave when the Demon King called out to me as well. At the Demon King’s beckoning, I can’t avoid walking over.

「Let’s hear out their story together.」

I don’t understand the situation but I consent anyway.

「Okay, let’s hear your report then.」

The Demon King said that while smiling broadly. Hm? She seems to be in a bad mood somehow?

As if they can sense the Demon King’s bad mood, the two people have stiff expressions. Of the two people, one is a sexy onee-san. The other is a shota. The onee-san is the 2nd army commander, the shota is the 6th army commander. They might look colourful on the outside, but they’re respected big-shots amongst the demons.

「Yes. On this occasion, my 6th army, with the assistance of the 2nd army, succeeded in cornering the Hero. However, when we were on the verge of success we received a counterattack, with the end result that we lost some valuable war potential. I have no excuse.」

The heck? Cornering the hero?

I unconsciously glance at the Demon King. Well, I keep my eyes closed even while I “look” at her though. Did the Demon King notice my gaze perhaps, since she nods her head in assent while still in a bad humour.

Preparations are being made in order to erase the very existence of the Hero from the System itself. Thus, until those preparations are complete an order was given to not make any imprudent actions. Despite that, this lot made an attempt on the Hero it seems.

「I apologise as well. If the agent from my unit had been able to administer a lethal dose of poison as had been planned, then such a result would never have occurred.」

Hmm-mm. So basically, a spy or something from the onee-san’s unit poisoned the Hero, but he didn’t receive all of it. Then the shota’s troops attacked the Hero who had been weakened by poison, but they were beaten instead. Or something like that.

Certainly, when considered normally it would be a huge failure, but actually it’s fine. That they didn’t kill the Hero. We’re actually saved from trouble because they were too incompetent to kill the Hero.

「Maou-sama, Sanatoria-sama was only providing support. The 6th army lead the strategy, so I shall carry all the responsibility.」

Ooh! How praiseworthy despite being a shota! However, you guys are making a fundamental misunderstanding you know.

「Say, aren’t you guys making some kind of misunderstanding?」

The Demon King speaks my own thoughts. The smile on her face has changed. Into an evil sadistic smile.

「You know, I’m pretty sure I sent out a directive you know? “Don’t make any attempt on the Hero.”」

Indeed, the tactical blunders and so on are a trivial matter. The loss of war potential is of no concern at all to the Demon King. Actually, lose as much as you want. The problem, is that despite being told not to make any attempt on the Hero they still made a move. That was the problem was the very beginning.

「So why did you disregard the order and make an attempt on the Hero I wonder?」

She might be smiling, but her eyes are furious. And also, overawing the entire room. What’s the mental state of the two in the middle? I don’t even need to ask. Their faces have turned pale and they’re continuously trembling, making it quite clear what’s going through their heads.

「Hmm? How can I understand if you stay silent, eh? Or maybe, perhaps you couldn’t hear me? To pretend not to hear what the Demon King says, you’ve sure got some nerve eh.」

There’s no way that they didn’t hear of course, how malicious. The shota was about to open his mouth to speak in a panic, but it seems he couldn’t properly get the words out, and just repeatedly opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish.

「I am… terribly sorry.」

He was finally able to squeeze out those completely basic words of apology. That sure seemed to be the most he could possibly manage.

「Hm? What is that apology for? For the strategic mistake? For arbitrarily taking action? For not listening to what I said?」

The Demon King unrelentingly piles more and more verbal abuse on top of the shota. In comparison to that, the onee-san has a bit more composure.

「Maou-sama, your anger is most justified. However, we took those actions out of concern for the Hero’s war potential. Although it ended in a failure this time, it is a fact that we were on the verge of cornering the Hero. I am sure we will succeed next time.」

Ah, now she’s done it.

A loud crunch reverberated through the room. At the same time, there was a sound like something hard being crushed.

Some red body fluid is falling onto the shota’s face. It seems that the shota doesn’t understand why. With a blank expression, he raises his eyes to see the source of the body fluid. Then, his eyes meet with the onee-san, who has a similarly blank expression and has lost an arm.

Screams. The onee-san and shota scream at the same time. The Demon King is gazing at them with a disinterested and cold expression, chewing on the onee-san’s arm. Perhaps it’s the power of Gluttony, since the Demon King’s mouth is clearly too small to fit that in.

「I said… do not make… any attempt… on the Hero. Capish?」

As if instructing someone, the Demon King announces that using pauses between words. The onee-san listens to those words while pressing down on the stump of her lost arm. If she didn’t listen she’d be killed eh.

「I don’t care about the Hero’s war potential. What’s necessary is for the Hero to stay alive as the Hero for now. Ah, I guess it’s because you don’t understand the reason why huh? Well, your job is to follow my orders and fight to the death after all.」

The shota looked startled.

「What? Did you think of yourselves as being special or something? Even though you’re nothing more than trash who I wouldn’t have the least concern with disposing of right now? You sure are tremendously conceited.」

The Demon King shakes her head at that completely shocked expression. Well, her real feelings are probably about half that.

「Get this into heads okay. You lot are worth nothing to me. If anything, all you need to do is kill lots of enemies and when you die in the end, just return your energy to the world. If you don’t like that, then kill more than your share of enemies. If you can’t then die. If you can’t do as you’re told then die. Die already. Die! Die! Die!」

Both the onee-san who has lost blood and the shota have pale faces. Because they realise that the Demon King is serious. Well, I guess I’ll hand them a lifeline.

「Balto, death from overwork.」

I mutter that. The pair of them have a reasonable social position, so if they’re lost then all sorts of extra work will come along. That harm will definitely go Balto’s way. If he’s abused any further, Balto will die.

「That’d be annoying. Oh well. I guess I can forgive you this time.」

Seeing the Demon King’s attitude change so easily, the pair of them are dumbfounded, but when I turn towards them they come to their senses, give a bow and leave in a rush. Seeing their state, I shrug my shoulder. I would do the same as the Demon King.

「So, what did you come here for, Shiro-chan?」

Ah, that’s right. Later, when I’ve talked about the Divine Word Religion, the Demon King slumps at her desk.


Translation notes:

“Sexy onee-san” – like how oji-san can mean both uncle and middle-aged man and ojii-san can mean both grandfather and old man, onee-san can mean both elder sister and young woman. Basically a woman of marriageable age but not yet married. So a “sexy onee-san” type of character would be the confident and seductive young woman type, rather than sweet, innocent, cute, pure, girlish etc.

“Shota” – male equivalent of “loli”.

“Capish” – Ariel didn’t actually say this or something particularly close but I couldn’t resist since it fits the mood of the scene.

Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? 258
Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? Oni 14